not kobe, for the most part

2006-11-29T00:19:00.000-05:00

Something about blogger/blogger beta/google accounts is now preventing me from huploading* pics from my phone to the blog. It's really put a crimp in things. You could say that my style has been cramped.

In other news, Shin-pei emailed me a christmas list. It concludes with this:

i do not need any more pants - i managed to buy quite a few of them for work this fall.

In news that's not about Shin-pei's Christmas list, I'd like to report that Savage Earth: Waves of Destruction is a real downer. Especially the part where Stacey Keach says that as scientists learn about the Earth, the main thing they discover is that it's a ticking time bomb. And not because of Global Warming. It's because of the regular stuff like Earthquakes and Lightning.

One of Keach's laments: If only the residents of Kobe had recognized to the signals of impending doom...

An example of recognizing those signals would be noticing that Harp Seals in the zoo were swimming clockwise instead of counter-clockwise. He infers that they should have known better.

That's unfair, Keach.

*not a typo

2006-11-17T01:47:00.000-05:00

It is 1:40 am. I am watching Columbo. The episode description is: "The Curator of a strapped museum stages a robbery", and that thing don't lie. It's happening right now, and, as you could imagine, the staged museum robbery has just taken a turn for the... deadly?

Those of you who applauded my decision to begin recording Columbo episodes on a "record repeats and first run episode on any channel" basis will be happy to know that Shin-pei has indeed been pleased.*

I suppose you could call recording Columbo episodes with my Time Warner DVR "the perfect crime".

*Cynics will point out that Shin-pei dissaproves of how the murder always happens first and the whole episode is Columbo discovering what we already know.

2006-11-15T15:37:00.000-05:00

Hey look, its an interactive experience from Nissan.

Note: the women pictured here were the only two on the sidewalk when the host waved them over. They stood on outdoor carpeting, and their image was projected onto the side of a truck. Soccer balls bounced all around them on the screen, and the idea seemed that the women were supposed to kick at them. They did not understand. Probably 8-12 seconds passed in this manner. Rather than explaining the interactive experience to the two women, the host handed them two glossy fliers pertaining to the 2007 Sentra. As they walked away, hi-fi speakers blared the dialogue of some 20 somethings pursuing outdoor activities in a Nissan. Maybe an Xterra.

The host seemed like at one point he was embarressed by what he was doing, eventually got used to it, and then decided to finish out the day as best he could.

2006-11-15T05:25:00.000-05:00

OK, it's important that I explain the women in the back whose face is bathed in blue light. The light is coming from her laptop. Most of time she sat with a blackberry cradled on her shoulder, like a tiny baby that can send email.

This was in the bar Soda. I was celebrating with two friends who had just passed the NY State Bar Exam. She overheard us, and on one of her trips outside to smoke cigarettes, she stopped to engage us in conversation.

First she asked if one or more of us just found out that they passed the bar. We confirmed that she heard correctly. She offered her congratulations, with the disclaimer that she only needed to study for 3 days when she passed.

Then she told us what law firm she worked for, and volunteered that she was going back to school to get a masters degree in something that had to do with insurance. She finished up by informing us that she was going to one of the top ten insurance related graduate school programs in the country.

She had a strange, troll like presence, but the kind of troll that's probably smarter than you. Although I never said anything to her, I had to tip my cap. She's living the dream.

2006-11-15T01:37:00.000-05:00

This bigtime jerk has had his/her car alarm going for 2-3 hours, and there was no sign of an effort on their part to address the issue.

I was going to malign him/her on the basis of their chosen brand of car, but in looking at the picture again there seem to be no clues as to what kind of car that is.

Hey, Incessant Late Nite Car Alarm Person: Ease down. No one wants to steal that thing.

2006-11-14T20:38:00.000-05:00

Im @ Soda in Park Slope- if thats what this neighborhood is called. Anyways, the big news is Ive switched to the trench coat because it does a better job with my burgeoning girth. (Its the late night meals.)

2006-11-14T13:20:00.000-05:00

This is what a kareoke bar looks like in the afternoon.

2006-11-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

The sign says "dont open window for 48hrs". What the devil?

2006-11-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

Behind the counter @ Just Shades, the greatest lampshade store that I know.

2006-11-11T01:16:00.000-05:00

Is anyone else addicted to 106.9 Lite FM's Saturday Night Dance party hosted by Jack Kratoville?

Email requests to: jackkratoville(at)1067litefm(dot)com.

Under no circumstances mention my name. Kratoville and I are no longer on speaking terms, and I have to admit that the fault is mine. Kratty- if you're reading this- please accept my apology for what I've done in the past, and also an additional apology for what I'll probably continue to do.

2006-11-10T23:55:00.000-05:00

KOBE UPDATE:

The Lakers, plagued by an 18-turnover performance and the inability to overtake an inconsistent Portland team in the second half, picked up their second loss of the season against four victories. Coach Phil Jackson 'laid the blame' on team leader Kobe Bryant.

Also of note: Lakers Center Chris Mihm had his right ankle examined by Dr. Mark Meyerson in Baltimore on Thursday and will be examined by Dr. Lou Schon today.

2006-11-10T06:28:00.000-05:00

This is a piano player in a hotel lounge.

More on this guy later.

2006-11-10T04:19:00.000-05:00

Good lord. This was when I was voting. It's the St. Patrick's Youth Center on Mulberry street. Turns out it's illegal to take pictures inside a polling place. I was tracked down by a cop and he made me go through all the pics on my phone. I was embarressed when he got to my self portraits. Turns out he recognized some of them from my Nerve profile.

The woman on the right used to live in my building when she was single, 40 years ago. She said there used to be an A&P around the corner. Those poll workers made me proud to be an American. For serious. I'd like to take a nap at one of their houses on a blustery winter afternoon. They'd put a blanket on me if it looked like I was getting chilly, and then wake me with a mug of tension taming Cranberry Apple Zinger.

2006-11-10T03:25:00.000-05:00

The Park Avenue Armory is probably the best place in the world. It's home to New York's 7th regiment. Also, their asparagus dip bursts with even-keeled succulence.

2006-11-10T02:57:00.000-05:00

This is a plant that my dad gave me over the summer. He said it would be impossible to kill. It was supposed to absorb moisture from the air around it, so I wouldn't have to water it very often. I did water it. I tried, I honestly did. This is bullshit.

2006-11-08T05:34:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, I enjoy taking pictures of a coupla trash cans. It is one of many deficiencies in my character. Another would be watching volcano documentaries at 4 in the morning.

A message to aspiring volcano documentarians: don't lead with Mount Saint Helens. It's been done. Instead, think about opening with a noxious ash flow hurdling down Mount Nyiragongo at sixty miles an hour. Let us know that picturesque cauldron lakes may seem like modern day gardens of eden, then, bam!, hit us with a torrent of posinous sulfur compliments of Mount Pinatubo. Flashback to Vesuvius*, and THEN bring it home with a Mt. Saint Helens smack down! Show us those trees snapping like toothpicks, that engorged river downing a highway bridge, and that sweet sweet ash plume turning day into night! Yep, that's tune I'm singing, brother.

Many before you have been tricked into telling the story of burning magma slowly engulfing people's houses. Stay away. It takes too long. The greatness of volcanos comes from the speed at which they bury someone's house, not the inevitibility of it. The wanton creulty of molten magma flows is snoresville. Focus on flash floods or boulder toting mudflows and move on.

Finally, do not look farther than Stacey Keach for your narrator. He's an experienced professional, and he will deliver the goods. No one warns that undersea volcanoes are ticking time bombs better than Keach. No one. Put a mournful church bell tolling in the background and what you've got in your hands is pure gold.

*if you have to do Pompeii, under no circumstances should you speculate on the origins of the Atlantis myth. You will get off track.

2006-11-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

I am @ the Washington Square dogpark. This little bastard tried to pee on my foot.

2006-11-06T19:31:00.000-05:00

i just purchased 'love is a battlefield' on itunes

note: this purchase has worked out well

2006-11-06T11:51:00.000-05:00

Shin-pei complains that I indescriminately mix the big forks with the little forks. Not any more. Meet the new me.

2006-11-05T19:59:00.000-05:00

The guy in the red had is an untarnished miracle. He was haninging out at Trader Joe's offering unsolicited advice to customers about prospective purchases. I first spotted him in the produce aisle helping a 20-something girl in yoga gear select the best mushroom for an imminent stir-fry. He asked if she ever put mushrooms in soups or stews, and discovered that she did not.

His conversation with these two roustabouts began with the disclaimer: "I don't work here, but..." He was comparing and contrasting various baked goods, with the focus on dinner roles. His advice was heart-felt, reasonable, and well recieved. This man was no amature. If I was on my game, I would have recruited him for Gristede's.

2006-11-04T19:50:00.000-05:00

Be warned: Jack Kratoville's Saturday Night Dance Party has officially begun on 106.7 Light FM.

2006-11-04T19:27:00.000-05:00

These kids are pouring out of a hummer limo on their way to a BlueMan Group show. Mom was last out and kicked a piece of plastic into the street. I think it was trim from the interior. I peeked inside. The theme of the decor seemed to be: "electricity".

2006-11-04T16:26:00.000-05:00

Negotiations are afoot @ Just Shades. If they play their cards right, these cats are gonna walk away with some outstanding new lamp shades. Carpe Diem.

2006-11-04T16:15:00.000-05:00

The guy in the leather jacket is getting his picture taken by the guy in the red jacket. I'm tempted to call them 'shutterbugs', but I will refrain. I'm learning to discipline myself.

2006-11-04T12:18:00.000-05:00

I wrote a post on the Times Square <--> Grand Central Shuttle that apparently got erased. It was about an RDS employee I encountered on the train. RDS is a courier service, and their employees are identifiable by their yellow and green uniforms. They're around all over the place, you just have to keep your eyes peeled.

Anyway, this guy was hunched over in the corner of the train. He was barking out a single-syllabic word that I believe was "Yeah!" He alternated the "Yeahs" with a repetitive growling noise that sounded a bit like an idling dirt bike. There was a certain braziness to his performance. He wanted to be noticed, and he was. Two teenage girls who had just purchased matching Calle 13 albums were simulataneously fascinated and aghast. So was I.

In terms of the RDS staff at large, this guy is not the exception. He is the rule. This is something I've been noticing for some time now. RDS has dispatched an army of fruitbats who wing packages to destinations all over the city.

Summary: I've got a new courier service. RDS. If I'm going to send a package to someone, I'd prefer that it gets delivered by a guy stammering "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" along the way.

2006-11-04T01:25:00.000-05:00

I know what I'm not having for breakfast tomorrow. Waffles.

2006-11-04T01:20:00.000-05:00

2006-11-03T19:27:00.000-05:00

Check it out. Its the offices of ePromos.com. They're the Promo Know-How People. One time I was in an elevator with two ePromos.com employees, and one of them was complaining that the shared iTunes library had too much Nelly Furtado.

2006-11-03T00:57:00.000-05:00

Made a little pitstop at Gristedes #082. You know, the one at 25 University Place.

I was, to put it bluntly, dissapointed. Management's decision to team rookie store manager Eric Rivers Jr. up with long time veteran Juan Ramos is obviously not working out. Sounds just like that movie Groundhog's Day, doesn't it?

The reality is there's a problem here. A big problem.

Imagine my surpise when I discovered that they had understocked Tuscan Farms 2% Milk in the One Gallon size. Well they did. I had to get the half gallon size instead and that will barely last me through the night.

Fax your complaints to: 212.353.1332, attention of Managers Eric Rivers Jr. and Juan Ramos. It's time for them to learn the meaning of the word accountability.

2006-11-02T10:41:00.000-05:00

These jokers are sales reps for a cigarette distributer. I was in a news shop with them on 8th avenue. They gave the owner a sign advertising Cartons of Parliament Lights for $16.99. The owner's wife put it up right away. They're travelling in an unnaturally large group, so it looks like a training session.

Whitey announced that the next stop is a 'Universal News' a couple blocks away. To some extent, I suppose you could say I followed them. One of the women was gnawing on a piece of dark chocolate and remarking on her predilection for sweets. "I'm a chewer" she said.

2006-11-02T10:35:00.000-05:00

I'm at the 54th St. Gristede's buying cold cuts, but there's nothing new about that. Those who know me well know that I like nothing more than to work a deli counter to perfection. "Boar's Head American, please. Thinly sliced." Bang! Count it.

Anyways, there's a controversy brewing about a guy named Lincoln. Don't know who he is, but the guy pictured here said: "Lincoln outta retire man, he outta be shot." His partner, who's not visible, seemed to agree: "He complains about everything." Luckily I happen to have a well placed source @ the 54th St. Gristede's deli counter who goes by the name of Gus. I'll do some snooping and see what shakes loose.

Please note that Dietz & Watson Honey Maple Ham is on sale for $8.49/lb. I'd jump on that.

2006-11-02T08:39:00.000-05:00

Morning rush hour @ Grand Central is serious business.

2006-11-02T03:26:00.000-05:00

Just paid the American Express bill.

2006-11-01T06:11:00.000-05:00

Steph's finishing her Halloween costume. Jenny said: "from far away this is gonna look great."

2006-11-01T04:34:00.000-05:00

The ladies are preparing to go to the Halloween parade. They will be dressed as Strawberry Shortcake & Co.

2006-10-31T21:15:00.000-05:00

The girls are reviewing pictures of themselves.

2006-10-31T21:08:00.000-05:00

2006-10-31T20:53:00.000-05:00

Bekka almost set her hat on fire.

It's true. She laid it down on a dresser where Shin-pei had placed a couple tea light candles.

2006-10-30T02:32:00.000-05:00

I just made the decision to record Columbo every time it comes on. There's a possibility, however slight, that Shin-pei will be pleased.

The description for tonight's episode is: A gunrunning Irish poet fronts a peace organization.

how could you ask for a better piece of text than this:

2006-10-30T01:59:00.000-05:00

GLIDING along the springboard in easy strides, you bounce down onto the tip and feel the springy plank catapult you skyward. High over the water, your body under perfect control, you suddenly whirl in mid-air and knife down into the blue water below. Knowing you’ve made a perfect dive, you bob to the surface, your ears ringing to the applause of the crowd. That’s the thrill of diving.

It's from a Modern Mechanix article on learning how to dive.

2006-10-28T20:55:00.000-04:00

I am at a haloween party taking place in a barn in Lancaster Pensylvania. There are glow in the dark skeletons hanging from the ceiling. The space used to be a metal shop, and gave birth to a successful business installing heating and cooling ducts.

It's ungodly windy outside. There are probably 30 people here. The guy helping himself at the pot-luck table is dressed as Ceasar. At one point, after I had just finishing playing Beirut, he walked past me. I said: "Hey, great costume." He said: "Excuse me" and walked away.

I don't want to make too much of this, but what the devil? I mean, come on. Fat fuckin Ceasar.

Note: There's a guy behind ceasar wearing a referee outfit. Periodically he would blow his whistle and jettison one of the two yellow penalty flags he had tucked into his belt. He would then accuse people of "party fouls," such as refusing jell-o shots.

The costume was better in thought than in practice. Later in the night he grew tired, and I last saw him slumped on a bail of hay.

2006-10-28T20:21:00.000-04:00

This is a Beriut table. Beirut is a game where two person teams toss ping pong balls into plastic cups with beer in them. Usually the cups are filled to less than half of their capacity, but in this case the game's organizer made the decision to exceed that quota.

One of my competitors pointed out that the Wikipedia entry on Beirut cites our shared alma mater, Bucknell University, as the origin of the game. It was a point of pride.

As I was sending off this picture, my partner chastised me for "texting when the guy's gonna throw."

2006-10-28T17:45:00.000-04:00

These are my opponents. The guy on the right is wearing an ostrich costume.

2006-10-28T16:43:00.000-04:00

This is a Saturn with a custom paint job. Pennsylvania plates. If you ever come across it, check for the blue dolphin hanging from the rear view mirror.

It was parked in front of a truck stop. The woman working at the counter told me that whenever she comes to New York State she makes sure to bring an extra pack of Marlboro Lights with her. 8 dollars is too much.

2006-10-28T16:24:00.000-04:00

This woman is rolling up the "open" flag in front of her antique store on Route 322 in Ephrata, Pennyslvania.

2006-10-28T16:01:00.000-04:00

The Ephrata Excavation Corporation has placed a sign in front of this building that says: "Congratulations on Your New Structure!" I concur. It will be occupied by Dentists.

2006-10-28T15:49:00.001-04:00

2006-10-28T15:49:00.000-04:00

2006-10-27T22:29:00.000-04:00

What are you gonna be for Halloween, Just Shades?

2006-10-27T16:47:00.000-04:00

This is the first nun I've seen in a long time.

2006-10-26T23:38:00.000-04:00

Thats Russell Simmons getting out of a Bentley.

For real. I used to watch Def Comedy Jam, and he used to come on stage at the end.

2006-10-26T14:20:00.000-04:00

I've switched to Tums

2006-10-26T10:57:00.000-04:00

2006-10-26T01:17:00.000-04:00

Its late. These guys are playing rookie.

2006-10-26T01:04:00.000-04:00

I have no idea why I took this picture. Looks like I'm going into a Wamu, to get $40 worth of fast cash. I've been rationing myself.

2006-10-25T23:16:00.000-04:00

I am @ Jay's house. We are watching UFL fighting.

2006-10-25T15:41:00.000-04:00

This little stircup is doing his homework.

2006-10-25T14:23:00.000-04:00

This is a hard nosed Honda Accord driver.

2006-10-24T14:57:00.000-04:00

That damn hole in my pocket just cost me 5 cents.

2006-10-24T14:14:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of some delicious sweetcakes.

2006-10-23T23:32:00.000-04:00

Oh boy. i was in the Metro today, commenting on the Vendy Awards. Anyway, when they asked me my age, I made a split decision and said I was 29. This is bad news for me, because I'm actually 30. How embarressing. My world has grown smaller.

2006-10-23T15:45:00.000-04:00

this is a fantastic email i just got from a co-worker:

shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt....oooppppsssss
my bad 4 give me..... I was answering back ....no worries.... yikes,,.. I was not concentrating ...I hope i did not screw you...
I think it will blow over ..oopsss
please forgive me yikes......

May God bless the Vendy Awards

2006-10-23T15:17:00.000-04:00

The Vendy awards are an annual event that celebrates the NYC street vendor corps. They also served delicious Hebrew Beer, which was a big hit with this attendee.

This is one of the 4 vendors at the event. He's cooking up tasty tacos.

Vandenheuvels, please know that I've got nothing but respect for your legacy.

These guys are watching a video about Street Vendors.

I tried to start a 'we will rock you' chant, and was met with apathy. Shin-pei, pictured top left sitting between Nick and Ben, was embarressed and moved away from me.

Reverand Billy opened the ceremonies with a fire and brimstone sermon about bratwurst. It was absolutely fantastic.

This is the winner of the 2006 Vendy Award for the best street food in NYC. He makes a mean chicken and rice. Unfortuneately I don't know his name or where his cart is, but I'll find out.

This is an example of why you shouldn't take pictures with a camera phone when you have been drinking (heavily). On the way home from the Vendys, I tried to take a picture of a bar/restaurant that I've always simulataneously loved and hated because of it's name, which is "Bounce Deuce." I later passed out on the rug while watching Masterpiece Theater.

2006-10-22T18:37:00.000-04:00

how are you feeling about BCF?

This was a text message I intended to send to Rich Zeroth about the Burlington Coat Factory field trip. I sent it here instead. I've been wondering why he didn't respond.

2006-10-22T18:33:00.000-04:00

For no particular reason I've stopped @ 35 Cooper for a hot Sake. Its bigtime delicious.

I can say now with certainty that this was a bad move.

2006-10-22T18:24:00.000-04:00

I am on my way to the Vendy Awards, thanks to Shin-pei.

2006-10-21T23:27:00.000-04:00

I like this guy's sales pitch.

2006-10-21T23:25:00.000-04:00

My dinner tonight will come from Hoomoos Asli. It's on Lafayette + Kenmare and very delicious. I recommend the Jerusalem Mix Grill. It'll mess you up.

2006-10-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

I'm on my way back to Williamsburg. It's a strange thing to devote your life to telling a story about beards. At one point, it seemed like a great decision. Now it seems like I'm serving out a sentance. Why didn't I just become a Doctor or Auto Body Specialist.

2006-10-21T03:13:00.000-04:00

Here's an idea. Read this article while listening to this.

2006-10-21T02:25:00.000-04:00

This is Harry. He was my cab driver. He's slept 3 of the past 48 hours.

2006-10-21T02:12:00.000-04:00

This fuckin drunk idiot just said "Money talks and bullshit walks." He said it with full conviction and to no one in particular.

It was in some ways miraculous.

2006-10-21T01:53:00.000-04:00

You are not forgotten, Coolio. At least not by the guy sitting in this cab.

2006-10-21T01:48:00.000-04:00

As far as gas stations go, you couldn't hope for better.

FW: cbones

2006-10-21T01:01:00.000-04:00

Shin-pei just sent me this text message: "This is cbones curled up under sleeping bag." I love that girl.

2006-10-20T21:34:00.000-04:00

I'm on the sweet B39. Its a nice ride. I'm going over the Williamsburg Bridge.

2006-10-20T21:26:00.000-04:00

Look at these two little stircups (meant to write 'rugrats', T9 thought otherwise). They might be hard to see.

2006-10-20T18:56:00.000-04:00

I am leaving the office. Shin-pei says I'm seeming world weary.

2006-10-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

This is Ron's office. I work with him. A couple weeks ago he sent me an email that said:

"Every day we wait is every day we lose possible ringtone revenue."

2006-10-20T15:54:00.000-04:00

I really need to visit my grandma. Its been years since Ive seen her.

2006-10-20T15:48:00.000-04:00

This lady works @ the pastry place where i sometimes get coffee. She's beaming at a baby in a stroller behind me.

2006-10-20T15:42:00.000-04:00

This guy watched Small Soldiers last night in its entirety.

2006-10-20T15:23:00.000-04:00

I just saw this umbrella bouncing around behind the cab of a dump truck. It fell beneath those middle double tires and got its clock cleaned. Now its lying in the middle of the intersection of Houston and Lafayette. Looks like a frying pan/fire situation.

2006-10-20T15:13:00.000-04:00

Its amazing. That trip to Just Shades turned my whole day around.

2006-10-20T14:56:00.000-04:00

Its 2:45. I've laid out my outfit for the day. Shin-pei says that if she ran into someone dressed like me in a social setting she would make every effort to ignore that person.

2006-10-20T13:32:00.000-04:00

Im here. The day is looking up.

2006-10-20T13:30:00.000-04:00

Ok. Im not feeling so good right now. I've decided to take another walk down to Just Shades.

2006-10-20T13:25:00.000-04:00

This guy's fixing a meat slicer.

2006-10-20T00:05:00.000-04:00

I am watching Jarhead for the first time. The part with the horse was unwatchable. That poor horse.

2006-10-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

It was a nice moment. A woman walks out of Just Shades with two brand new lamp shades and promptly hails a cab. I did not have my phone with me so I missed the shot. Lesson learned. They were nice shades.

2006-10-19T20:12:00.000-04:00

Crikey. Almost outta Shower Fresh (the one on the left). That means I gotta switch to Powder Fresh (the one on the right). This isn't good news for anyone.

2006-10-19T01:37:00.000-04:00

This guy is a doorman at the Atrium on Bleecker St.

2006-10-19T01:32:00.000-04:00

This is me. I am on my way home. I am listening to Chris Lydon interview people from Tenessee about the upcoming election. Tenessee is one of the best names for a state that we've got.

Also, I've been drinking.

2006-10-19T01:11:00.000-04:00

Its very difficult to know what kind of negotiation is going on here.

2006-10-18T22:37:00.000-04:00

Hello. I'm meeting with Rich Zeroth. We're discussing a field trip to multiple Burlington Coat Factories. Not to buy coats. Just to see + compare a regional sampling of BCFs.

2006-10-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

These 2 are having a moment on 51st St.

2006-10-18T17:14:00.000-04:00

Im getting coffee @ Gristede's. Gus isn't working. The place just feels smaller.

2006-10-18T16:34:00.000-04:00

I got this is in the mail today. Dodge is imploring me to "grab life by the horns."

2006-10-18T16:16:00.000-04:00

Everytime I walk past Bagel Stix I have to admit that I'm tempted.

2006-10-17T20:15:00.000-04:00

Here are some NYU students being recruited by Loreal.