not kobe, for the most part

2006-11-29T00:19:00.000-05:00

Something about blogger/blogger beta/google accounts is now preventing me from huploading* pics from my phone to the blog. It's really put a crimp in things. You could say that my style has been cramped.

In other news, Shin-pei emailed me a christmas list. It concludes with this:

i do not need any more pants - i managed to buy quite a few of them for work this fall.

In news that's not about Shin-pei's Christmas list, I'd like to report that Savage Earth: Waves of Destruction is a real downer. Especially the part where Stacey Keach says that as scientists learn about the Earth, the main thing they discover is that it's a ticking time bomb. And not because of Global Warming. It's because of the regular stuff like Earthquakes and Lightning.

One of Keach's laments: If only the residents of Kobe had recognized to the signals of impending doom...

An example of recognizing those signals would be noticing that Harp Seals in the zoo were swimming clockwise instead of counter-clockwise. He infers that they should have known better.

That's unfair, Keach.

*not a typo

2006-11-17T01:47:00.000-05:00

It is 1:40 am. I am watching Columbo. The episode description is: "The Curator of a strapped museum stages a robbery", and that thing don't lie. It's happening right now, and, as you could imagine, the staged museum robbery has just taken a turn for the... deadly?

Those of you who applauded my decision to begin recording Columbo episodes on a "record repeats and first run episode on any channel" basis will be happy to know that Shin-pei has indeed been pleased.*

I suppose you could call recording Columbo episodes with my Time Warner DVR "the perfect crime".

*Cynics will point out that Shin-pei dissaproves of how the murder always happens first and the whole episode is Columbo discovering what we already know.

2006-11-15T15:37:00.000-05:00

Hey look, its an interactive experience from Nissan.

Note: the women pictured here were the only two on the sidewalk when the host waved them over. They stood on outdoor carpeting, and their image was projected onto the side of a truck. Soccer balls bounced all around them on the screen, and the idea seemed that the women were supposed to kick at them. They did not understand. Probably 8-12 seconds passed in this manner. Rather than explaining the interactive experience to the two women, the host handed them two glossy fliers pertaining to the 2007 Sentra. As they walked away, hi-fi speakers blared the dialogue of some 20 somethings pursuing outdoor activities in a Nissan. Maybe an Xterra.

The host seemed like at one point he was embarressed by what he was doing, eventually got used to it, and then decided to finish out the day as best he could.

2006-11-15T05:25:00.000-05:00

OK, it's important that I explain the women in the back whose face is bathed in blue light. The light is coming from her laptop. Most of time she sat with a blackberry cradled on her shoulder, like a tiny baby that can send email.

This was in the bar Soda. I was celebrating with two friends who had just passed the NY State Bar Exam. She overheard us, and on one of her trips outside to smoke cigarettes, she stopped to engage us in conversation.

First she asked if one or more of us just found out that they passed the bar. We confirmed that she heard correctly. She offered her congratulations, with the disclaimer that she only needed to study for 3 days when she passed.

Then she told us what law firm she worked for, and volunteered that she was going back to school to get a masters degree in something that had to do with insurance. She finished up by informing us that she was going to one of the top ten insurance related graduate school programs in the country.

She had a strange, troll like presence, but the kind of troll that's probably smarter than you. Although I never said anything to her, I had to tip my cap. She's living the dream.

2006-11-15T01:37:00.000-05:00

This bigtime jerk has had his/her car alarm going for 2-3 hours, and there was no sign of an effort on their part to address the issue.

I was going to malign him/her on the basis of their chosen brand of car, but in looking at the picture again there seem to be no clues as to what kind of car that is.

Hey, Incessant Late Nite Car Alarm Person: Ease down. No one wants to steal that thing.

2006-11-14T20:38:00.000-05:00

Im @ Soda in Park Slope- if thats what this neighborhood is called. Anyways, the big news is Ive switched to the trench coat because it does a better job with my burgeoning girth. (Its the late night meals.)

2006-11-14T13:20:00.000-05:00

This is what a kareoke bar looks like in the afternoon.

2006-11-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

The sign says "dont open window for 48hrs". What the devil?

2006-11-11T13:39:00.000-05:00

Behind the counter @ Just Shades, the greatest lampshade store that I know.

2006-11-11T01:16:00.000-05:00

Is anyone else addicted to 106.9 Lite FM's Saturday Night Dance party hosted by Jack Kratoville?

Email requests to: jackkratoville(at)1067litefm(dot)com.

Under no circumstances mention my name. Kratoville and I are no longer on speaking terms, and I have to admit that the fault is mine. Kratty- if you're reading this- please accept my apology for what I've done in the past, and also an additional apology for what I'll probably continue to do.

2006-11-10T23:55:00.000-05:00

KOBE UPDATE:

The Lakers, plagued by an 18-turnover performance and the inability to overtake an inconsistent Portland team in the second half, picked up their second loss of the season against four victories. Coach Phil Jackson 'laid the blame' on team leader Kobe Bryant.

Also of note: Lakers Center Chris Mihm had his right ankle examined by Dr. Mark Meyerson in Baltimore on Thursday and will be examined by Dr. Lou Schon today.

2006-11-10T06:28:00.000-05:00

This is a piano player in a hotel lounge.

More on this guy later.

2006-11-10T04:19:00.000-05:00

Good lord. This was when I was voting. It's the St. Patrick's Youth Center on Mulberry street. Turns out it's illegal to take pictures inside a polling place. I was tracked down by a cop and he made me go through all the pics on my phone. I was embarressed when he got to my self portraits. Turns out he recognized some of them from my Nerve profile.

The woman on the right used to live in my building when she was single, 40 years ago. She said there used to be an A&P around the corner. Those poll workers made me proud to be an American. For serious. I'd like to take a nap at one of their houses on a blustery winter afternoon. They'd put a blanket on me if it looked like I was getting chilly, and then wake me with a mug of tension taming Cranberry Apple Zinger.

2006-11-10T03:25:00.000-05:00

The Park Avenue Armory is probably the best place in the world. It's home to New York's 7th regiment. Also, their asparagus dip bursts with even-keeled succulence.

2006-11-10T02:57:00.000-05:00

This is a plant that my dad gave me over the summer. He said it would be impossible to kill. It was supposed to absorb moisture from the air around it, so I wouldn't have to water it very often. I did water it. I tried, I honestly did. This is bullshit.

2006-11-08T05:34:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, I enjoy taking pictures of a coupla trash cans. It is one of many deficiencies in my character. Another would be watching volcano documentaries at 4 in the morning.

A message to aspiring volcano documentarians: don't lead with Mount Saint Helens. It's been done. Instead, think about opening with a noxious ash flow hurdling down Mount Nyiragongo at sixty miles an hour. Let us know that picturesque cauldron lakes may seem like modern day gardens of eden, then, bam!, hit us with a torrent of posinous sulfur compliments of Mount Pinatubo. Flashback to Vesuvius*, and THEN bring it home with a Mt. Saint Helens smack down! Show us those trees snapping like toothpicks, that engorged river downing a highway bridge, and that sweet sweet ash plume turning day into night! Yep, that's tune I'm singing, brother.

Many before you have been tricked into telling the story of burning magma slowly engulfing people's houses. Stay away. It takes too long. The greatness of volcanos comes from the speed at which they bury someone's house, not the inevitibility of it. The wanton creulty of molten magma flows is snoresville. Focus on flash floods or boulder toting mudflows and move on.

Finally, do not look farther than Stacey Keach for your narrator. He's an experienced professional, and he will deliver the goods. No one warns that undersea volcanoes are ticking time bombs better than Keach. No one. Put a mournful church bell tolling in the background and what you've got in your hands is pure gold.

*if you have to do Pompeii, under no circumstances should you speculate on the origins of the Atlantis myth. You will get off track.

2006-11-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

I am @ the Washington Square dogpark. This little bastard tried to pee on my foot.

2006-11-06T19:31:00.000-05:00

i just purchased 'love is a battlefield' on itunes

note: this purchase has worked out well

2006-11-06T11:51:00.000-05:00

Shin-pei complains that I indescriminately mix the big forks with the little forks. Not any more. Meet the new me.

2006-11-05T19:59:00.000-05:00

The guy in the red had is an untarnished miracle. He was haninging out at Trader Joe's offering unsolicited advice to customers about prospective purchases. I first spotted him in the produce aisle helping a 20-something girl in yoga gear select the best mushroom for an imminent stir-fry. He asked if she ever put mushrooms in soups or stews, and discovered that she did not.

His conversation with these two roustabouts began with the disclaimer: "I don't work here, but..." He was comparing and contrasting various baked goods, with the focus on dinner roles. His advice was heart-felt, reasonable, and well recieved. This man was no amature. If I was on my game, I would have recruited him for Gristede's.

2006-11-04T19:50:00.000-05:00

Be warned: Jack Kratoville's Saturday Night Dance Party has officially begun on 106.7 Light FM.

2006-11-04T19:27:00.000-05:00

These kids are pouring out of a hummer limo on their way to a BlueMan Group show. Mom was last out and kicked a piece of plastic into the street. I think it was trim from the interior. I peeked inside. The theme of the decor seemed to be: "electricity".

2006-11-04T16:26:00.000-05:00

Negotiations are afoot @ Just Shades. If they play their cards right, these cats are gonna walk away with some outstanding new lamp shades. Carpe Diem.

2006-11-04T16:15:00.000-05:00

The guy in the leather jacket is getting his picture taken by the guy in the red jacket. I'm tempted to call them 'shutterbugs', but I will refrain. I'm learning to discipline myself.

2006-11-04T12:18:00.000-05:00

I wrote a post on the Times Square <--> Grand Central Shuttle that apparently got erased. It was about an RDS employee I encountered on the train. RDS is a courier service, and their employees are identifiable by their yellow and green uniforms. They're around all over the place, you just have to keep your eyes peeled.

Anyway, this guy was hunched over in the corner of the train. He was barking out a single-syllabic word that I believe was "Yeah!" He alternated the "Yeahs" with a repetitive growling noise that sounded a bit like an idling dirt bike. There was a certain braziness to his performance. He wanted to be noticed, and he was. Two teenage girls who had just purchased matching Calle 13 albums were simulataneously fascinated and aghast. So was I.

In terms of the RDS staff at large, this guy is not the exception. He is the rule. This is something I've been noticing for some time now. RDS has dispatched an army of fruitbats who wing packages to destinations all over the city.

Summary: I've got a new courier service. RDS. If I'm going to send a package to someone, I'd prefer that it gets delivered by a guy stammering "Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!" along the way.